By Lemondrop Staff
A recent study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine supports a claim long-feared by men and long-reinforced by bad standup comedians: When it comes to female sexual pleasure, penis size matters.
Look, we all know that there are a lot of other factors that make sex good or bad — sometimes, we’d give up an inch of penis for an ounce of personality. But other times … well, sometimes a tiny cigar is just a tiny cigar.
A below-average skinflute is one thing, but can you honestly find happiness with a guy who’s packing a micropenis? We asked women about their own experiences dealing with seriously small equipment, and here’s what they had to say on the subject. Feel differently? (Feel anything at all? Is it in yet?) Let us know in the comments.
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“And I Felt … Nothing.”
“The smallest penis I ever saw belonged to the first guy I ever had sex with. Literally didn’t see it coming … It wasn’t until I saw him thrusting that I realized he was inside me. I was too shocked to comment and, thankfully, he finished a minute later. It’s all been uphill from there.” — Sam, Union City, N.J.
Maybe I Should’ve Stuck With Girls
“Once, long after high school, I ran into my teenage crush at a party. He and I ended up in a room alone and things quickly went from cuddling to kissing. I put my hand down his pants to try to get him hard, but after a minute of searching, I found out he already was. All I could think was, ‘That’s it?’ He could barely get inside me and kept flopping trying to stay in. It totally made me miss my ex … who I’d left because she was a girl.” — Michelle, Long Beach, Calif.
Catch 22 … Millimeters
“I met a guy through friends who I clicked with on every possible level. We both loved cooking, superhero comics and getting high to watch bad Nicolas Cage movies. I really wanted things to work with him, so I waited a couple of dates before going past second base. You can imagine my horror when my ‘ideal guy’ ended up being too small for a handjob with more than two fingers. How could I tell our mutual friends that I broke up with this great guy because it was like having sex with a golf pencil?” — Juliet, Toledo, Ohio
Not My Kind of Meat
“A few friends and I stayed at my guy friend’s vacation house on a snowboarding trip. We’d been conducting a long-distance relationship for a while, but we’d never actually been intimate. While everyone slept, he and I snuck into his room for some alone time. We started making out, and I did the standard slow-crawl down to his boxers because I hoped he’d go from a semi to a ‘full-on’ by the time I got there. Turns out, that was as good as it got. I had no choice but to persevere, feeling like I had a Vienna sausage in my mouth. I was so turned off that I got up, laid next to him and pretended to be tired.” — Rachel, Jersey City, N.J.
Can’t Say I Didn’t Try
“I spent months and months ‘fooling around’ with a guy who would never go all the way. I thought he was being old fashioned or something until he finally admitted that he had a really small penis — maybe 2 inches, erect. I decided that I was going to be cool about it and not let that stand in the way of our relationship. But when the sex just wasn’t working (I don’t fake orgasm on principle, and he was freaked that I never came), he accused me — as ALL guys with small dicks do — of having a ‘loose vagina.’ Whatever, buddy. Thanks for giving me an excuse to sleep with guys on the first date.” — Rachael, Charlottesville, Va.
The Little Liar
“I’d been eyeing a guy since sophomore year of college. He was funny and incredibly hot, which he knew, of course. He acted like a total player and always made references to how ‘big’ he was around his friends, which should’ve been a warning sign. When we finally hooked up and he turned out to be microscopic, I played it cool, not wanting to humiliate him but feeling really awkward. Who talks up their penis when it’s obviously this small? But I really liked him, and saw his complex (and his size) as a challenge. I kept fooling around with him in hopes that maybe I could teach him some technique and the relationship would be worth it. Finally, he told me he couldn’t be in ‘a serious relationship’ but was fine with a ‘friends with benefits’ situation. Uh, what benefits? We’re still friends, and amazingly, he still says things about how well-endowed he is and how great he is in bed. As much as I would love to burst that bubble sometimes, I don’t want to blow up his spot. Let his next ‘friend’ find out for herself.” — Liezl, Philadelphia
The Final Word
OK, so just because nearly all the girls we asked about really small penises had bad experiences doesn’t mean everybody will. Take Emily in New York, for instance, who says she’s never minded a cocktail wiener. “Like short guys, dudes with small schlongers usually try pretty hard to compensate in the oral department. So while they may not be as satisfying during actual intercourse, the overall experience can benefit.”
Tell us: Have you ever dealt with anything under 2 inches? Can you make it work, or is it a no-go?
Tags: sex advice - SexAdvice - small penis - SmallPenis
MISTRESS EVA LORDES: I am a size queen! I love a long cock but it needs to be thick too. If you dont have the whole package why bother? Dont worry, I have other uses for small dick losers!
